The service for my niece Carolyn (who had cancer) is today. With my husband being ill I am unable to make it to the funeral. My heart brakes to miss it. I tried to call so I could be part of it even if it was over the phone, but no one answered. Must of had it turned off.... As I sit and remember Carolyn I can't help but cry and smile at the same time. She loved life and always tried to keep things on a positive side. She would be the first one to say if you need to cry then cry for it is not good for you to hold it in. Just try to remember the good things because life is to short to be dwelling on the bad. That reminds me of my favorite poem:

"Always remeber to forget the things that make you sad but never forget to remember the things that make you glad"

author unknown

To Those Who Mourn

To Those Who Mourn

(an excerpt)

For that is the real truth; man is a soul and has a body

the body is not the man; it is only the clothing of the man.

What you call death is the laying aside of a worn-out

garment, and it is no more the end of the man than it

is the end of you when you remove your coat.

Therefore you have not lost your friends;

you have only lost sight of the cloak in

which you were accustomed to see him.

The cloak is gone, but the man who wore it is not;

Surely it is the man that you love and not the garment.

C.W Leadbeater

Well, it has been a rough couple of days around here. I just found out yesterday that my niece pasted away after a long 15 year battle with cancer. Bless her sole. They found a brain tumor when she was real young and after fighting and winning that one; they found another tumor 10 years later. She may have had a hard life but, she always tried to find joy in everything. She loved to camp with her grandparents and do all kinds of crafts too. She enjoyed making jewelry with beads and given them to her family and friends. She also liked her stuffed animals as well. She most certainly will be missed. Love you Carolyn

Sorry for the last message... It was suppose to read the following... Full Name: Institute for Cancer Research EIN: 23-6296135 Tax Status: 501(c)(3) Website: http://www.fccc.edu/ Address: 333 Cottman AveInstitutional AdvancementPhiladelphia, PA 19111

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Hi everyone, it's Sunday afternoon and Bill is taking a nap. He woke up this morning not feeling well. Had one of the coughing spells to the point where he was getting sick. A couple of days ago his feet swell up and so, the doctor put him on fluid medication and potassium. The fluid meds. for the built up fluids in his body and the potassium for the brain. Doc. said that if someone takes fluid pills the patient can "fry" the brain if they don't replace the potassium at the same time.

Finally Home

Hey everyone, I just want to thank you for your prayers and well wishes, it means a lot to know that people care. Update: Bill is finally home from the hospital that other day. Doctors think he had a really bad reaction to his last chemo round. Bill and I discussed things and Bill decide not to have any more chemo. So, what does that mean from now on till.... Well, it means that the cancer won't have any thing to keep it in check, to hold it at bay, etc... The doctors told us in the beginning "with treatment, up to 2 years. Without treatment, 6 months".... Bill has been fighting cancer for 1 1/2 years now, so you do the math...!

Monday 6th 2009

Hey everyone, here it is the first week of July and my husband is back in the hospital.. Their not sure if it was the new chemo treatment or something else or both but he started coughing and having trouble breath and other things.... so the doctor put in the hospital. They're pushing fluids in and IV antibiotics and a new pain system to see if it will work for pain control. Doc just don't get his pain. One doc. said it was all in his head, another don't said that the amount of pain he is having is more than other cancer patients. Who are they to say that my husbands pain isn't right or not there? Everyone is different... some can handle high pain levels and some can't .... I wouldn't wish cancer on my worst enemy but, I would like to see them live one week with my husbands pain and see how they do... Well, just came home to take a brakde from the hospital and to take care of dog.... got to go back up to hospital now.... Thanks for listening.

Another night in the Hospital

Today I took my husband back into the hospital. He had chemo about 9 days ago and now we think it made him sick and in an even weaker state for something else. They have him on IVs /Antibiotics IV and some very strong pain meds. Which he says is just keeping the pain at bay.... not really stopping the pain. He told me today that if this is what chemo is gong to do he thinks he wants to quit chemo. He said that he would rather have six months of feeling good and enjoying our time then to feel rotten for what time it would be. Don't get me wrong.... I two would rather see him happy and feeling good then sick and in the hospital all the time /every time he has chemo., but that don't make it hurt any less. I can't help but think what the next six months could be like.

Farrah had it right

Farrah had it right when she said the hardest question to answer is "How are you doing?" I wonder if she knew how right she was when she said that.

Lung Cancer

Hello, my name is Pat and I am the caregiver to my husband who has 4th stage lung cancer. I have found that being a caregiver is more than just helping take care of him. Lets see, there is taking care of him, the house, pets, running all the earns and oh ah I can't forget about myself. He has been diagnose for one and a half years now. He just started his 3rd. round of chemo. I'm afraid he will not be able to handle it as well as he did the first couple of times. He tries so hard to keep positive and up beat but I can see the toll it is taken. He still is tiring to do most for him self,(he is proud that way). Since he has been told that he has cancer he has lost weight, and his strength and has become very, very weak. Even lifting a gallon of milk is alot. That is how weak he has gotten. And to top everything off, there is the cost of everything. One chemo treatment is in the thousands. Between co-pays and the things that his insurance won't cover we are going broke. I'm wondering how we're going to make it. I started this blog to vent with people who have been there. (Alot of people don't know or realize how ugly and expensive a decease cancer really is.)